free. free falling.

Have you ever leaned over a railing on a balcony or maybe peered down from a tall building? And then while you’re doing that, wonder what it would be like to fall all the way down, what would go through your mind, and how it would be right at the point of impact? Would you lose consciousness before? Or would something snap and break, but you wouldn’t cease to exist?

It’s always been on my mind as I gaze down from a high location – almost to the point of me wanting to try it out. I – obviously – am not stupid enough to do it. But it nibbles at my brain from time to time as I rest my stomach against the rail and look all the way towards the pavement, where my body could very well be if I lifted my feet over and parted ways with the edifice I’d be on.

If I had the ability to free-fall without asphyxiating and also hitting the ground without dying, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Just to know what was on the mind of someone who had undergone something like that. Just for the experience, the inexplicably unknowable experience. The insidiously masochistic experience.