direction.

I’m sitting again at a coffee-shop, and I’m wondering this time whether or not the TEFL courses are going to be worth it. This is definitely something I have my heart set on, teaching English overseas, eventually getting a job someplace here in the USA when I’m finished with my wanderlust phase (which I’m somewhat hoping will never fade). But, I talked with my friend yesterday about it, about the classes I’ll be attending in July, and he informed me that another friend–someone I hadn’t talked to in years–was doing the same thing in Japan. The person TEFL-ing did not do any of the training I did; therefore he hadn’t spent the money I will. Another person Shawn told me about had gone to Korea almost a week after inquiring ABOUT teaching the language. No “training” beforehand necessary.

I don’t know if I want such an instantaneous moving experience… but I wonder about it; I’m shoveling a good amount of money for these courses. I’ve been told these courses are definitely high quality. I’m guaranteed positions overseas; but I wonder if it’s a guarantee of getting a job doing ESL in the States after I’m done. That’s the rub. I think a plus with this organization in which I’m putting all my monies into at the moment is that the cert will look good on a resume when I put one out; they’ll help me out trying to find a good place when I’ve gotten this certification. It’s just after…

Why am I so unconvinced in a way about it, almost hesitant? I’m not hesitant in doing it now; I’ve already signed up and promised I’d pay. I’m just feeling skeptical that this whole three-week intensive program won’t go the same place as my bartending. I shouldn’t say the bartending was a failure per se, because I am at Brennan’s now, and I did get accepted into Antonio’s until I left because of some troublesome circumstances. It’s just when May arrived, trying to snatch a bartending job grew more problematic, especially for someone who is certified to bartend. These certification courses might be the right direction for me, even though I’m still getting all bent out-of-shape because of these few “instances” of others heading out without the training I’m going to have.

I recall when I got frustrated filling out application after application, form after form, before I went to the U.K. with the help of Explorations at B-W. I wondered whether or not that whole thing would be “worth it” especially regarding all the painstaking paperwork that went along with heading overseas, every single form — colors ranging vividly from goldenrod to fuchsia to periwinkle blue. It felt so messy and uncoordinated. Then I arrived in England, and it was the best decision I had ever made in my life. My eyes opened up, the widest they’ve ever been. I knew it after a few weeks there; I knew that it was the “something new” I had needed.

This is another “something new.” And it’ll be happening sooner than I know it. I shouldn’t act all skeptical; I should just dive headfirst, get a bit wet, and not worry about how much water sneaks into my ear. I’ll be able to get back to the surface eventually.